Control is not the answer. Awareness is. 

I’m curious: how did the first 1/12th of the year go for you? Where are you regarding any goals or intentions you set for yourself at New Year’s? Did you attempt a Dry January or Damp January experiment? How did it go? Did you slog through miserably, accomplishing the task of sobriety, but not sure what it was all for? Or did you give up in the first or second weekend, relieved, but with a nagging little voice in your head, wondering if you should have tried harder? As the month comes to a close, I suggest that we pause for just a few moments and take stock, before deciding how to move forward.

There is general consensus that participating in Dry January can have a lasting positive impact on both your physical health and your well-being. However, as a Clinical Psychologist, I’ve seen so many clients revert to prior drinking behavior without giving it another thought. Now is a perfect time to reassess the data you collected over the past month and apply some meaning. Some questions you might ask yourself:

• How did you feel on sober days? 
• How did you feel waking up in the morning after a sober day? 
• How did the people around you support or express frustration about your sobriety?
• What replacement behaviors did you choose instead of drinking?
• What did you miss most about drinking?
• Did anyone give you feedback on what they noticed about you?
• If you did drink, what was the trigger?
• If you did drink, how did you talk to yourself about it?
• If you did drink, how did you feel?
• Is there anything else that you noticed about yourself or your experience?

Looking over this data and any other thoughts you have collected about this experience, what do you make of it? Was your experiment successful? And when I say successful, I’m not necessarily talking about 31 days of sobriety. I’m more interested in what you learned about yourself. Did you learn:

• That you don’t need to drink to relax/have fun/cope/sleep/have sex/etc.?
• That you feel less emotional/anxious/sad/etc. when you drink less?
• That your mornings are a tad bit easier when you drink less?
• That you make less regrettable decisions when you’re mostly sober?
• That your workouts seem just a little easier when you’re mostly sober?
• That you get along better with your partner/roommates/family when you’re mostly sober?
• That it’s hard to stay sober when you’re with a particular person or in a particular environment?

Make a note of your top three takeaways from this experiment and write them down. Write them somewhere where you will see them consistently. You could even write a letter to yourself, reminding yourself of all of the things you learned. Do this while your thoughts are fresh. This letter might come in handy when you are having a rough time and Dry January 2023 feels like a distant past. It can remind you of all the things you learned about yourself and help you make more informed decisions in that moment.

I think you’re probably getting my point here: I couldn’t care less about how many days you were sober. Overall, I think that’s a much less helpful measure than what you learned about yourself. I really hope you don’t make this January about whether or not you are a failure or a success. You have eleven more months in 2023 and you have an entire lifetime ahead of you. I hope that you can take the lessons you have learned this January and continue to grow and evolve. As the architect of your life, I hope you can take this awareness and continue to build a life that feels right for you.